NB: This is information is still UNCONFIRMED.
On the Epsilon website, it is stated a fax number (1-866-FUN-CULT) you can call, and a fax will be returned:
Here is the content of the fax you recive:
How much is your soul worth?
We’ve put a price on salvation and it’s a price worth paying. In fact, we’re running a special. While other major religions tithe 10%, we tithe 8.75%. But if you join Epsilon now, you’ll only be tithed 8.125%. The government takes 33% of your income and what do you get for it? If you answered nothing, you’re on the right track to making yourself a whole person and finally understanding how the universe works, and all that for this special, one time only, low price.
Finally a religion that is easy to understand. In this day and age, can you afford to spend weeks combing through cryptic text written thousands of years ago when people lived to the ripe age of 23 and were forced to slaughter goats? The Epsilon Tract is easy to understand – it’s still being written. And trust us, it will be in simple, easy to understand bullet points.
Salvation is here and you don’t need to be intelligent to understand very obvious point – saving souls is like saving money. So you should do it exactly the same way!
Kifflom! Brother-Uncle, Sister-Aunt!
KIFFLOM – HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!
The future, as told by a descendant of Kraft, hasn’t happened yet, but it will, and will you be ready? Make your commitment now. What level of salvation are you ready for?
AZUR $10,000 For the person that wants to be saved, but not that much, let us suggest the AZUR pinnacle- Raise your left hand and recite the words: “Take me to my father-father, brother-uncle. Kifflom.” We’ll do the rest. Because we all know, there is Kifflom and there is Kraft, and both be praised. Then send $10,000.
TOPAZ $25,000 TOPAZ level salvation is for the person who wants a better life, wants a cleaner soul, and is prepared to shop around for a great deal. The TOPAZ level Epsilonist receives all of the benefits of AQUAMARINE level participation, minus some of the conjugal rights, especially on Thursdays.
AQUAMARINE $79,000 It’s a small price to pay for personal fulfillment. At the AQUAMARINE level, you gain all of the riches of your AZUR and TOPAZ brothers and sisters, however you will be given a special lapel pin and invited to more parties.
TURQUOISE $100,000 All the TURQUOISE level, complete enlightenment will occur. N It’s not new age! The music is terrible and makes people into suburbanite eunuchs! We’re looking for a new wage. For $100,000 all of the mysteries of the universe will be yours, including a PIN code to enter the Epsilon compound in the hills overlooking San Andreas. TURQUOISE members will take weekly meeting with the Honorable Cris Formage in a relaxed setting with everyone wearing only robes that are easily disrobed.
THE TWELVE TENETS OF EPSILONISM
1. The world is 157 years old – FACT!
If you didn’t know this, maybe you should read the Epsilom Tract.
“The Epsilom Tract helped me give up smack” – Jezz Torrent